Society has never really accepted the concept of being alone and enjoying it.
As primates, we were dependent on others for survival. Then, we supposedly evolved and became full-fledged humans – and marriage became the forefront of the world.
God forbid you’re in your late 20s and unmarried – you’re treated worse than a psychiatric patient.
And while there’s nothing wrong with being married and starting a family, deep down, we’ve unknowingly suggested that being alone is bad.
It’s why we jump into relationships we aren’t 100% sure about and some feverishly scout online for partners.
Undoubtedly, the influx of technology has made this worse.
When you’re online, you see people flaunting relationships, “funny” memes classing single women as old cat ladies, and introverts being touted as unsociable freaks.
But how could we forget something so important…the relationship you have with yourself is the only one that truly matters. Because if that doesn’t go right, no other relationship will ever work out.
You’re going to die alone – there is no coffin for two (unless you’re that couple from South Yorkshire.) You’re going to be in a box alone on your final day, so why are you so scared to be alone while alive?
You live inside your heart, head, and soul – nobody else can claim to know you better and love you more than you can.
Now, you’re obviously reading this post because you’re one of those lucky people who have discovered the power of being alone – but want to know how to truly enjoy it.
Keep reading because this article will show you how to enjoy your own company and discover the happiness that comes from solitude.
How to Enjoy Your Own Company: 8 Tips
1. Speak positively to yourself
There’s no way you can actually enjoy your own company if you constantly have a negative internal monologue.
Most of us unconsciously speak down to ourselves – because we’ve probably learned to do so from childhood. If something embarrassing happened, we would internally scold ourselves. Or if your family said, “you should be ashamed of yourself,” it’s likely that you would accept that feeling and think of it as normal to speak down to yourself.
Therefore, as we grow older, it becomes harder and harder to let go of negative self-talk as it becomes a habit.
And it’s one of the main reasons people seek out other company – they become dependent on others to help them forget their internal monologue. They don’t know how to motivate themselves internally or how to seek happiness from within.
I’ll give you an example of one of my friends: Let’s call her X.
X has gotten increasingly closer to me over the years, and it’s not because I’m such a fantastic person – it’s because I pick her up when she’s feeling down.
The more I speak to her, I realize that she engages in a lot of negative self-talk. Literally, from the moment she wakes up till she goes to bed, she’s constantly blaming herself – for her lack of success, her loss of confidence over the years, for not meeting her parent’s expectations, and for not meeting her own expectations. She calls herself names and admits she’s ashamed of herself.
And the fact that she hasn’t had any qualms about telling me this shows that negative self-talk has become second nature to her.
When in solitude, she will call one of her other friends or me to help her regain some confidence and positivity.
And as much as I will support her, I’m not going to be around forever.
The same applies if you look for your friends the minute s**t hits the fan in your life or when you feel down. Nobody will always be around for you because people have their own struggles to deal with.
So, you must learn to pick yourself up when you need it most.
And if you have to be the positive beacon in your life, then you need to change the way you speak to yourself.
Here’s what you can do:
- Self-love affirmations. I’ve found using self-love affirmations to help. However, the issue with this is that you can’t just speak the words out into the world – you need to feel them too.
- Journaling. Journaling helps you understand the way you think. Most people don’t even know they’re speaking negatively to themselves until they see it on paper.
- Be more compassionate towards your past self. Stop hating on the person you used to be – you’ve changed and don’t deserve so much pent-up hatred.
2. Engage in some fun solo activities
Most of us have a panic attack when it’s time to go out by ourselves.
But I’ve learned that your happiness will always depend on other people if you don’t have fun alone.
And not just on other people, but on their time, and sometimes even their money.
You were born into this world alone; you’re going to die alone too, so what’s there to feel awkward about when you should be most at home with yourself?
A few fun solo activities to do alone are:
- Reading a great book.
- Journaling.
- Taking yourself out on a shopping date.
- Going on solo coffee dates.
- Going for a mountain hike.
- Going to the movies alone.
This list doesn’t even touch the surface of what you could do alone. So, stop waiting until your friend is ready to go out and just go forth and be you. You’ll make incredible memories by yourself.
3. Do what you’re passionate about
At some point, what everyone else wants overshadows our own wants and needs.
Whether that’s our parents’ wishes for us, what our friends are doing, how society will judge us, or what we look like on social media. And we forget what our inner child wants.
I didn’t write a single word in university because I focused on making someone else’s dream come true. I was so focused on being the same as my peers and blending in with everyone that I forgot what I wanted to do – which was to create.
But now that I’m doing that, I feel free and happy to spend time alone. I don’t feel like I’m pretending to be somebody else.
When you follow what everyone else wants, you lose a piece of yourself and don’t realize it until it starts to feel like depression.
I self-deprecatingly used to call myself “the girl with dead eyes” because when I looked in the mirror, that’s what I saw. I saw a girl with cold, unfeeling, dead eyes who was on this earth trying to make other people happy and didn’t know what she wanted.
But the more I spent time alone, the more time I had to hone into what I was really passionate about. And it may sound cheesy, but now when I look in the mirror, I see a person with life and vigor.
So, spend time alone to go back to your roots and figure out what you want.
It took me a while to understand this, but it doesn’t matter what people think because one day, everyone will die, and nobody will remember what you did with your life. People only care about themselves.
The only person that would regret not taking a chance is you.
And sometimes, we envision judgment to be worse in our heads. Most people in your life would think you’re cool for following your dreams. I recently read a blog post about a blogger who left his insurance job to start a blog about birds.
Understandably, he was afraid to tell people he was leaving his job for birds. However, most people he spoke to thought he was fantastic.
Go against the standard conventions of society and follow your passion. I guarantee that you will love spending time with yourself once you do. You won’t need anyone else to fill the void in you because there will be no void.
4. Realize that everyone else is temporary
Sometimes the only way to understand your worth is to realize that everyone else is only a temporary fixture in your life.
By detaching from everyone else – you unconsciously get closer to yourself.
Everyone says, “Oh, I’ll always be here for you.” But when it comes down to it, nobody is. The only person that can rescue you is you.
Friends leave – we see it time and time again. People change, move to different cities, your once best friend gets another best friend, and your ex-employer replaces you after one day.
There is also this huge thing about finding true love, your soul mate, or twin flame. But the minute you hand your happiness over to someone else, you let go of finding comfort within yourself.
And it may sound pessimistic, but some relationships don’t work out even if you find your supposed soulmate. I thought I met my soul mate – he was practically my other half, but then one day, he left. I was broken until I realized that people leave, so you need to be strong enough to help yourself.
Now, I’m not insinuating that you should forget about your partner. You just need to realize that they are merely one part of your life; they aren’t your entire life.
5. Be proud of yourself
It’s hard to spend time alone, let alone enjoy your own company, when you loathe who you are or feel like you aren’t enough.
As kids, we found our pride in other people. You only felt proud of yourself when your teacher or parents said they were. If they said you should feel ashamed of yourself, you felt ashamed. We’ve adopted this mindset that pride in ourselves can only come from outside us.
But looking for pride and validation from other people means setting yourself up for a miserable life.
As an only child, all my parent’s expectations are pinned on me. When you grow up with siblings, those expectations are somewhat spread around. Consequently, I’ve always felt personally responsible for my parent’s emotions. If they didn’t feel proud of me, I took it to heart and felt like a disappointment.
Over the years, I realized that this was incredibly toxic for me. Because I tried to do the things that would make them proud, regardless of whether it made me happy, but true happiness can only be found when you feel pride in yourself.
And as much as I love my parents and hate disappointing them, ultimately, I’m the one that’s going to live the rest of my life. One day they won’t be here, and I’ll have to live with the consequences of my decisions.
So, start making decisions that benefit you and that you’d be proud of. When you’re proud of who you are, enjoying your own company becomes effortless.
6. Figure out who you are
Who are you?
What makes you tick?
What childhood conditioning still has you by the balls?
Until you learn your nuances, weaknesses, and strengths, you’ll never really know who you are – and you’ll never enjoy being alone.
It’s normal to feel like an imposter in your skin – I’ve felt it countless times. It’s that feeling when you look around and don’t understand what you’re doing there.
But as soon as you figure out who you are, all those little wires inside you connect, and spending time alone doesn’t seem like a chore anymore. It doesn’t feel dreadful or like your thoughts will assault you.
And one of the ways I figured myself out was by spending time alone and journaling. Writing things down has helped shape my perception of myself. I saw what’s been holding me back all these years and the lies I’ve been feeding myself.
When you’re with other people, you adopt their mindsets, values, and beliefs; you forget your own. You start thinking like somebody else until later in life; you realize you’ve been following a perception that somebody else had.
7. Invest in yourself
Spending time alone doesn’t mean sitting in a dark room while your thoughts take turns to stab you. Unfortunately, that’s how most people perceive being alone – which is why they fear it so much.
But the one thing that can help you enjoy your own company is learning new stuff! There are so many online courses – Skillshare and Udemy are only two places where you can earn a plethora of knowledge.
When you invest in yourself, you respect yourself. And you look forward to alone time because you know you’re doing something that will benefit you.
Investing in yourself also teaches you to explore new facets of yourself. If I didn’t invest in blogging or writing courses, I probably wouldn’t have the confidence to start my blog. I would still be on Google reading about it.
8. Become an independent soul
An independent soul is somebody who has friends, family, or a romantic partner but isn’t governed by these relationships. They’re on a solo pursuit despite being surrounded by people.
As an introvert, I’ve always been alone. But in the past, it was out of necessity. Even if I didn’t necessarily enjoy it, I still coveted alone time because my personality ached for it.
But now, as I’ve grown to love myself more, being alone is a choice.
If you can’t be by yourself, who can you be around?
I’m not saying to become a hermit and isolate yourself. An interesting discovery was that I became more sociable when I started to love myself and enjoy my own company.
You attract more people toward you when you aren’t trying to be somebody else.
Final Thoughts
Enjoying your own company doesn’t have to be a puzzle. Be brave enough to spend time alone and get to know yourself better. You’ll realize you’re far more interesting than any of the other people in your life.
If you liked this post on how to enjoy your own company, subscribe to my email newsletter for weekly inspiration delivered to your inbox. Thanks!
